Saying "No"

Declan has now reached the ripe old age of 1 year and as such he has become more and more daring.  He's tall enough and stable enough to climb up on most furniture now and can also figure out how to open a drawer or door that does not have a latch or lock on it.  And he's figured out that he can take his bigger and heavier toys and drop them on the floor or bang them against the wall to make a symphonic cacophony of noise that apparently he enjoys immensely.  

As such the word "no" is quite frequently heard throughout our house.  However, the reaction you get from Declan when you tell him no can no better be predicted than the next winning lottery number.  Here are just a few of my favorites:

• He will stop whatever he was doing and go about something else (I feel like SuperDad when this happens)
• He will ignore you completely (kids...)
• He will stop, turn towards you, look you dead in the eye and continue doing what he's doing (I dare anyone not to laugh at that)
• He will run away screaming as if you just did the funniest thing ever (I want that kid's sense of humor)
• He will start crying like you just took his favorite toy and broke it in front of him (which I have thought of doing I'm kind of ashamed to admit)

All of this brings us to the question, "Is he not listening to us?"  When I stop and think about that I feel bad because I want to be the authority figure in Declan's life and I don't want him to grow up to be a brat or worse yet a DB.  What can I do to make him listen to me more.  If he does things after we tell him not to I have given him a little tap on the bum (which he barely feels cause of the diaper) and that has no effect on him.  I redirect him if possible.  Ignore the behavior if it's not unsafe. 

After all of this soul searching and questioning of myself and my parenting abilities I feel utterly absurd because I have had the realization that the root of the problem isn't me or his mom or anyone else.  The root of the problem is Declan.  And it's not really his fault either, so I can't get mad at him over it either.  He can't control it.  This problem will go away eventually, especially if we remember the root but also strive to teach him what "no" means and what is appropriate and what is not. 

So what is the root?  What is this horrible thing that makes my son misbehave and not listen to us?  What possible ailment could inflict a child so small as to cause him to drive us insane at times and burst out laughing at others?

He's one.

That's right, he's only one year old.  He has no contextual grasp of the idea of "no".  He will, with time and training from the adults around him.  But at this point to expect him to "listen" to you and (cue Cartman voice) "respect my authority" is just setting yourself up for disappointment.  He's only one and rather than focus on getting him to do what we want him to we really need to focus on the amazement in his eyes and mind when his figures out that he push his toybox up to the sofa and use it as a step stool to get up on the couch, which then unlocks a whole new treasure trove of things to play with (lamps, picture frames, coasters, phones, etc).  Well that and quickly take him down so he doesn't fall. 

Wish - I wish that my son will always be thirsty for knowledge and always want to learn more.  When he asks a question I never want him to accept "Because" as an answer.  If he can't find out I want him to want to know so much that he will go look up the answer himself.

Accept everyone

The recent news of the Boy Scouts of America still not allowing gay people to participate in scouting activities has really struck a nerve with me.  Let me say up front that I am an Eagle Scout and some of my most fond memories of growing up are from scouting.  So much so that a few months ago I bought Declan a rather expensive but totally cute tshirt that looks like a scout uniform.  I really want Declan to have some of those same experiences cause of how much I loved them.  Now I know he may not want to do scouting and that's fine with me if that's his choice. 

The issue is that I want to teach Declan to accept everyone, regardless of how they may be different than you.  So how can I then support him joining a group who's policies say that gays can't participate?  I don't want to support any group that discriminates against other people, and the fact that the BSA are one of those groups is truly ripping me up inside.

Wish - I wish that Declan will always judge people not by their differences but how they treat others.

Sleep!

I love my little guy, I truly and honestly do.  But sometimes I just wish he would go to sleep.  I wish I could say that he sleeps through the night with no problems, but he usually doesn't.  It's not something I worry about or anything like that, it's more of an annoyance than anything.

Wish - I wish that Declan's sleeping habits get better...soon.

Being a working dad sucks

My wife is a teacher in a high school so she is off for the summer.  Today she took Declan to the beach with her mom and I'm jealous.  She was nice/cruel enough to send me a short video of the little guy playing with his shovel in the sand and it was great to see, but I also wish I could be there.

I am finding that balancing family/work/me/chore time is a very difficult thing to do and some people have a clearly different idea of how I should spend all of my time than I do, but I am doing the best that I can and doing what I think is right.  Unfortunately I can't spend 100% of my time as family time but I do find that I cherish the time with my family more because of this.  Even when we are doing "nothing", like watching TV or going shopping I have found that I enjoy that time just as much as the fun stuff (like going swimming or to the zoo).

Wish - I wish that Declan will one day play an instrument.  I wish I had the time and the talent to learn an instrument.  I played the drums in school and I could probably still hold a beat but it's my wish Declan takes an interest to an instrument and carries that with him for the rest of his life.  Maybe someday I'll have the time to learn an instrument too and we can "jam" together.

Underestimating the time it takes to be a Dad.

Long time no post huh? Yeah I know, I know. I will admit that I severely underestimate the sheer amount of time being a dad takes. There are so many things that I would like to be doing that I simply don't have the time for (like blogging) and to be honest I don't feel bad about that. Declan is by far the best thing in the world to ever have happened to me and I am thankful for him everyday (even when he tries to roll away while I'm trying to change his diaper, what a mess). 

So there has been so much going on in my life that I really don't know what to start with. So I have decided that I will try to make a lot more shorter posts that long posts, but I will end each post with something I either want to do with my son someday or that I want him to experience for himself.  Some of these may be rehashed from previous posts, but I'll just blame that on laziness or a particular passion for that wish, take your pick.

I wish that Declan will someday dance with him mom at his wedding.  Getting to dance with my mom was an awesome experience and something I will always cherish.

Still getting ready.....

It's been a few weeks since the baby shower and I'm still trying to get everything put together and have the room ready to go...but we have time right?  Well maybe, and maybe not.  The further on this pregnancy goes the more I'm convinced Rusty is going to make his arrival before his ETA.  At this point I would say his nursery is about 75% complete, I have two more pieces of furniture to put together and then we have all the toys, chairs, play mats, and everything else to put together too.  Once the room is complete I will take some shots and post them up for everyone to see.

Post-Shower Part 1

Last weekend (5/22/11) my parents and mother-in-law had a baby shower for Erin.  To be honest I would have liked to have stayed and opened the presents with Erin but it was a thing for the "women" as I was told so me and my dad went out for breakfast while they had their tea and crumpets. 

As my father and I were leaving the restaurant in the morning he informed me that my rear tire was getting low and would need some air.  Noting his suggestion I made a point to remind myself to swing by the gas station that night to fill up the tire and thought nothing more of it.  When we arrived back at the shower I was amazed to see the sheer amount of things we had received as gifts, the generosity of our friends and family was astonishing.  And after about another 30 minutes or so of talking with people and helping Erin open some of the bigger gifts I began the process of loading the van, only to find out that my tire was no longer "a little low", it was completely flat!  So we instead loaded up my parents mini-van and had my car towed to Brockton and had to go out and get a new tire.  Oh boy, what a memorable shower!

Tune in next time to hear about some of the awesome gifts we got!

Pre-Baby Shower

The baby shower is this weekend and while I won't be there for the whole thing I'm still super excited.  The thought of all of our family and friends gathered around to celebrate Erin and I having a baby is just beyond words.  I'm sure Erin will cry, and hell I might too, but it should be a great time!  Hopefully I will have some pictures and cool stories to post on Monday!

Special Thanks to my friend Laura

I just wanted to throw out a special thanks for a friend of mine, Laura, for providing me with the inspiration to rededicate myself to this blog.  She had told me how much she enjoyed the posts I had made and loved that a new father was doing this and thanks to that I realized how much I missed writing here.  So thanks Laura!  I owe you one!

Fred

My last birthday before I become a Dad

Today I turn 29 years old and I decided that my birthday gift to myself this year will be to recommit myself to this blog. 

A lot has happened since my last update (clearly) and I will try to wrap it up in short order.  We are having a boy, and we are about 90% positive on the name.  Unfortunately the pregnancy has been less than smooth for Erin as she has had a few issues but nothing major so we are still going strong towards July 27th.  The biggest thing so far has been finding out that Erin has gestational diabetes, which deserves it's own post that will come later this week.

The baby shower is in 2 weeks (May 22) and I think I might be more excited than Erin and I won't even be there to open presents!  We have the crib in our house now, I just have to put it together and clean out the rest of the nursery this weekend.  My current wish for my first child is that I will have everything done that I'm supposed to!

More to come soon!

Fred

Waffling on Sex

We have recently come to realize that when we were told "it's easy to say you don't want to know the sex when you can't possible know, but once you CAN find out it's a lot tougher" that it may qualify for one of the biggest understatements during pregnancy. 

We have another Ultrasound next week and it will be the first time we can find out if our baby is a boy or girl.  Erin is a lot less conflicted about this than I am, she wants to know.  On the other hand I'm having a huge argument in my head about what I think will be best.  The logical part of me (which usually wins) wants to know so that we can plan appropriately.  While my emotional side really wants to experience that surprise and joy of being told as we are welcoming him/her into the world (and also part of me wants to stop having to type things like "him/her").

All of our parents like the idea of not know, and some are more staunchly opposed to finding out than others, and I've asked some friends and there seems to be good arguments for both sides, but when it comes down to it we have to decide based on what we want.  So come back next week to see which side won!

Movies: Must watch with dad

There are a number of movies and shows that I feel should be recommended watching for my child at some point (some early and some later on).  Here is a small list of movies that I will actively try to watch with my child (once the appropriate age is reached of course).

• Rudy
• Star Wars (all of them)
• The Lion King
• Cool Hand Luke
• The Hangover
• Up

Wait, kids get up at what time?

One thing that neither I nor my wife have ever been any good at is getting up early, especially on the weekends. While my wife would argue that she is indeed awake early it doesn't count as being "up" in my book if you are watching TV in bed.  However this currently lackadaisical attitude is going to have to change whether we like it or not.

Apparently kids like to wake up really early!  Not sure who is telling them it's a good idea (and if I find out who it is there will be retribution) but such is the way of the world.   In order to make this a little bit less of a dramatic change in our normal timetables I think Erin and I are going to have to start getting up earlier on the weekends on our own so that when the baby arrives we will be seasoned pros at watching the sunrise through bloodshot eyes.

Hopes: Never be satisfied with "Because"

I hope that my child will never be satisfied with accepting "Because" as an answer.  While I know as a parent this may come back to bite me in the future I hope that my child will always want to know they why and how of things and never accept something just cause they are told to. 

I hope that my child has such a thirst for knowledge that when presented with a problem or just something that catches his/her curiosity that s/he will go to the lengths necessary to solve the problem or understand the concept and not simply stop when the road to knowledge becomes difficult.

A child that is asking "Why?" is not doing to be rude or annoying, they are telling us that they want to know more and learn and we should do our best to fill them up with knowledge.

Thank your parents!

Ever since I have started talking with people about becoming a parent I have learned that there are more schools of thought when it comes to parenting than I had ever dreamed.  There are as many different theories as there are children!  The important thing is that you find what works for you and your child.  That may mean that you try and emulate everything your parents did for/with you, or it might mean that you start at the drawing board.  But before you go thinking that you know how to do everything better than your parents or that you didn't like things that they did remember that they raised you, and you are still here to tell the tale so it couldn't have been all bad.

All in all I guess you could say I'm not a big fan of the new wave of parenting theories I've heard about.  I'm very old school I guess.  If a kid acts up he deserves a spanking, if they can't be quiet in the restaurant you take them to the car, if they won't eat what is made for them they go without.  It's your child and you can raise them and discipline them however you like, that's your right as a parent.  Just don't expect me to agree with you, and you shouldn't care if I do agree with you.

Bottom line for me is that now that I'm going to be a parent soon I find myself thinking back more and more on how I was raised and I have to admit my parents did a damn good job with me and Timmy and I hope that I can do half as good as they did.

Fred

To Do List: Fall asleep watching a movie

Along with my experiences and thoughts on becoming a father I also thought it would be good to keep a log of all of the things I hope to do someday with my child, so here is the first in what will surely be a long list.

While relaxing on the couch watching TV with our child I really can't wait for us to just drift off to sleep together. This may not be anything new or exciting but having seen other people do this with their kids and hear about it as well it just seems like the kind of experience that while simple and common can be really enjoyed between a father and his child.

Who in the world is Rusty?

Some of our close friends have heard us refer to our baby as "Rusty" and have asked why we are using that name to refer to our baby.  The answer is both simple and ridiculous.

A number of couples that we are close to that recently had children all used nicknames for the baby before they were born.  For some of them it was a way of being cute or intimate or in some cases it just happened out of humor.  Both Erin and I liked this idea and decided that we would have to come up with a nickname for the baby until he/she was born.  So why Rusty?  Well that's where the story gets funny.

Erin and I had decided we would start a list of baby names that we can both add to but neither of us would have the right to remove or criticize a name until later on when we got serious about discussing a name.  So when telling a friend of mine from work, Matt, he suggested that I add the name Rusty as a joke to get Erin going.  So I agreed that it would be funny and added the name to the list, and when questioned by Erin over whether I was serious or not I tried my best to convince her that I felt it was a good choice.  Needless to say after a few minutes the jig was up and she saw through my ruse, but the name had to stay on the list.  So after about a week of joking around about using Rusty as the name it kinda stuck as our nickname.

So if you see or hear us talking about Rusty now you know why, and no the babies name will not be Rusty.

Is it a boy or a girl?

One of the most frequent questions that we have had to answer is the boy or girl question.  While we understand most people find out the sex of their baby before they are born we are choosing not to find out.  We thought long and hard about this and in the end we really feel comfortable with our choice.

While I know there are benefits to finding out I don't think any of those will be greater than the surprise of finding out when our child is born. 


While I will admit that I believe that our baby will be a boy this belief is based solely on a "gut" feeling, but no matter what I will love our child and really that's what counts.

Welcome

Welcome to my adventure!  I am inviting you all along to share with me the journey of becoming a parent for the first time.  Every day I am inundated with new thoughts, hopes, fears, etc and most of these things I do not want to let go of.  So in order to preserve my experience I will share them with the world.

I hope you all enjoy reading my posts and I am always willing to take advice, suggestions, or just swap stories so feel free to comment.

Thanks,
Fred